The Man Behind the Mask

Now you’re getting personal. Yes, I am the man behind the mask. My whole career is wrapped up in walking around in a gorilla costume, wearing a bright red “The Textbook Game” shirt and passing out fliers about our bookstore.

But that’s what I want you to think.

I get up in the morning, crunch through my cereal and ride my bike to work just to change into a slightly smelly (yes, I sweat) costume and wander around campus attracting stares and cat-calls. The occasional prankster even walks up to me and kicks me in the shins, thinking that I can’t run fast enough in my suit to catch them and shove their faces into the cement like they deserve.
My job requires extreme self control.

The truth is, my costume doesn’t stop me from running. It is designed to facilitate easy movement. More importantly, it protects me. It shields my identity from the people who really do shove other people’s faces into the concrete. Not just when it’s dry, but also sometimes when it’s wet. And then they sit on their head so the person can’t breathe.

Yes. That damage is a bit more permanent than the average cement-face-smashing. On a particularly un-imaginative day those people may revert to a knife or a gun. But the result is the same.

My purpose is to protect people from the face-smashers.

All people.

Anywhere.

Anytime.

Even the ones who come up and kick me in the shins for laughs.

I had no idea how hard that would be.